Separate Like Stars Read online

  “Probably not today, sweetie. I don’t think you’re going to feel like talking later.” I can see the internal debate in her eyes as I wait for her to ask whatever is on her mind. “Everything all right?”

  “You don’t have to work overtime to buy me a car,” I try to change the subject.

  “I know I don’t have to, but it would be easier for you to learn how to drive and have a car. It’s not as easy to get around Jupiter Falls as it was in the city, I know that. Plus I know I haven’t always made it easy for you, uprooting you so often.”

  “I think I’ve done all right getting around and I don’t need you to get me a car because you feel guilty. It hasn’t always been easy, but we’ve done all right. I know I haven’t always made your life pleasant,” I admit with an easy smile.

  “You’re right, but we’ve done better than all right,” she answers before turning the radio down. “Jordan,” she says sparing me a quick glance, “does this thing you want to talk to Uncle Eddie about have anything to do with Olivia?”

  “Why would you think that?” I quickly ask, the echoing of my hammering heart thundering in my ears.

  “You’ve been inseparable since school started—.”

  “We have all the same classes,” I cut her off and counter her point.

  “Sweetie, I’m okay with it if you think you have feelings for her,” mom silences me. I never thought she’d have a problem with it. I just wanted to figure it out myself before we discussed it. “I mean you spend all your time together, she climbs up the roof to sneak into the house, you say her name in your sleep.” I feel the blood rush to my face as embarrassment cascades through my body. Yes, I’ve had dreams about Olivia. Nothing more than us kissing, one very intensely, but that’s it. “Has something already happened?”

  “No, nothing happened. I think I might have feelings for her though. I don’t know,” I whisper the last bit and sigh.

  “Why do you think that?”

  “I want to spend all my time with her, which you know is unusual for me.” Mom chuckles, knowing I’m being honest. “When we have any physical contact there’s this sensation…like my blood is being warmed or something. I’ve never felt anything like it. Not even when those boys kissed me.” I stare out the window as I feel those sensations again just thinking about Olivia. “Do you think I’m crazy?”

  “No sweetie,” she quickly answers as she reaches over and squeezes my shoulder. “Is Olivia gay?”

  “Yeah,” I reluctantly confirm. “We talked about it one night, and she came out to me. I hugged her after we talked to show her that nothing had changed between us. That was the first time I felt it,” I admit as I recall that night. “What should I do?”

  “I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask for love advice,” she replies with a chuckle. “What do you want to do?”

  “I have no idea. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, and I don’t want her to feel like I’m using her to figure something out either.” I look down at my hands resting in my lap and pick at my nails. “I don’t even know if she likes me like that,” I mumble.

  “I don’t miss being a teenager,” she muses. “I think you’re approaching it very reasonably. You know I’m always here if you need to talk, right?”

  “I know. Thanks.”

  “I hope you weren’t afraid of how I would react to this. I mean, I hope that isn’t the reason you wanted to talk to Uncle Eddie.”

  “I knew you would be okay with it. I was hoping he would be able to offer me some clarity since, you know, he’s gay.”

  “He is pretty gay, isn’t he?” she agrees before laughing.

  “So gay,” I answer and laugh with her. “Thanks, mom,” I say when our laughter dies down.

  “Of course. You feel any better about it?”

  “No,” I answer and start laughing again. “I don’t expect I’ll figure it out in a day though. How did you know about Olivia climbing up to the roof?”

  “I don’t always sleep as soundly as you think I do,” she answers with a grin. “And before I forget, I had a key made for Olivia. I don’t want her scaling the side of the house anymore, especially when it’s going to snow at some point.”

  “She is a bit of a daredevil,” I answer and shake my head.

  “Seems that way. I like her though,” she adds as she briefly gives me a look that says she’d approve if we ended up married with six kids.

  *****

  “Ugh,” I groan as I come to on the couch. I slowly lift my medication weighted eyelids and spot Olivia sitting on the floor in front of the sofa, working on her homework. She looks over her shoulder and smiles at me before setting aside her book and turning to face me.

  “You’re awake,” she says as she rests her hand on my arm. I try to smile in return but end up wincing in pain. “Your mom said you could have another pain pill when you woke up,” she informs me as she gets to her feet. “I’ll be right back.” I watch her head into the kitchen and hear the sound of the cupboard closing and the faucet running. She returns to my side with a glass of water and a bottle of pills. “I made you five different flavors of Jell-O and got you some sherbet and popsicles too. If you’re hungry,” she adds.

  “Not now, but thank you,” I answer as I try to sit up. Olivia tries to help me but unknowingly makes it more difficult as I lose my focus when her arm slides under me.

  “It’s ok. I’m going to make you some soup tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” I ask, trying to figure out which day of the week it will be. “You have school and work,” I manage as I finally get situated.

  “My mom told me I could stay home from school to help your mom out and Martha gave me the night off.” She shrugs as she opens my pain medicine and shakes out one pill. She hands it to me and gives me the water, putting the glass back on the coffee table when I pass it back to her. “You don’t mind, do you?”

  “No. My mom needs her sleep. I don’t think she’d sleep if she were worried about me.” I see something in Olivia’s smile falter but can’t figure out why.

  “So your mom gave me a key today,” she eventually shares.

  “Yeah, apparently you aren’t as quiet when you climb the trellis as you think you are,” I inform her with a chuckle. “She doesn’t want you getting hurt.”

  “No, I do not,” mom chimes in as she comes down the stairs in her scrubs. It’s only then that I realize that it’s dark outside. I’ve slept all day. “How are you feeling kiddo?” she asks as she looks at Olivia sitting on the edge of the couch beside my thigh.

  “Sore. Have I been asleep since we got home?” I ask as I yawn.

  “Mostly. Why don’t you pull out the sofa bed and sleep down here tonight? I think it’d be better than Jordan trying to take the stairs. I’ll get some sheets, blankets, and pillows before I leave,” she adds as she heads toward the kitchen. “Olivia, please help yourself if you need anything to eat or drink. Jordan, Olivia made you a bunch of Jell-O and brought you sherbet and popsicles. You can have a popsicle, but you’ll have to take small bites and let it melt in your mouth. You can’t use straws or have anything that you have to suck on,” she calls out to us.

  “What do you want to do tonight?” Olivia asks me as I lean forward in an attempt to retrieve my glass of water. She stops me with a hand on my shoulder and passes the glass to me, letting me take a deep drink from it before setting it back on the coffee table.

  “I don’t know. Maybe a movie night, but I’m not sure if I’m capable of staying awake,” I add as I rub my eyes, trying to clear the cobwebs slowing down my brain.

  “It’s okay. What do you want to watch?”

  “You should pick since I know you won’t fall asleep,” I defer before yawning again. At this rate, I might not even make it through the opening credits.

  “Hmm. I just got a couple of new movies, but…” I try to arch an eyebrow at her but given my eyes have drooped shut and I feel like my head is wobbling I’m not certain that I’ve pulled it off. Olivia�
�s soft giggle forces my eyes open. “You’re so stoned,” she whispers.

  “A little. What’s wrong with your new movies?”

  “Nothing is wrong with them. They’re gay movies,” she leans forward and whispers in my ear. I may be a little high from the medication, but the soft caress of her breath against my ear still causes me to break out in gooseflesh.

  “My mom knows you’re a lesbian,” I not so quietly whisper back. Olivia leans back and sees my goose-pimpled arms and adjust my blankets, believing that I’m cold. “Sorry, we were talking, and it sorta came up.” Olivia lifts her eyebrows at me. I immediately know what her question will be.

  “Why were you talking about me with your mom?” she asks as she tilts her head.

  “I don’t remember,” I lie, instantly feeling like shit about it. “Are you upset?”

  “No. She doesn’t seem to be treating me any differently. I mean she gave me a key today, so she must be ok with it.”

  “Of course I am. My best friend Eddie is gay,” mom answers as she reenters the living room. “And I gave you a key because if I didn’t, you’d keep climbing up the side of the house. I’ve always said that if something is going to happen, then there isn’t a point in fighting it,” she adds as she deposits the linen in the armchair and leans over and kisses me on my forehead. “My number at work is by the phone. Call if you need anything,” she says to Olivia. “Take it easy tonight,” she reminds us as she steps out the door.

  “Go get your movies, we’ll watch them tonight,” I order Olivia.

  “I shouldn’t leave you alone. We can watch something you have here,” she protests.

  “I’ll be fine, I’m just gonna sleep the five minutes you’ll be gone,” I inform her as I slide back down on the couch.

  “All right. I’ll be back in five minutes. Stay on the couch,” she barks in a warning tone. I flash her a weak smile, already half asleep when I hear the door close.

  *****

  I come to and find Olivia asleep with her back against the front of the couch and her head tipped back near my waist. I look at the clock and see that it’s just after 11, so I know that I wasn’t out that long this time. I try to slide down the cushions so I can go to the bathroom, but the slightest movement from me instantly wakes Olivia.

  “What are you doing?” she sleepily mutters.

  “I’m going to the bathroom,” I reply as I slide down to the other end of the couch so I can get up.

  “Hold on. Let me help you,” Olivia quickly gets to her feet and grabs my arm before turning red. “I mean let me help you get to the bathroom.”

  “I didn’t say anything,” I answer as I start shuffling down the hallway, Olivia keeping a tight grip on my bicep. I manage to pee but have to lean against the sink while I wash my hands, as a wave of lightheadedness causes the room to waiver around me. “Olivia,” I weakly manage. The door instantly opens, and in three long strides, she’s at my side.

  “You’re awfully pale. Can you make it back to the couch?” she asks as her arm slips around my waist. My eyes fall shut, and I take a deep breath as I silently will the room to stop moving. “Are you going to be sick?”

  “I’m all right. I don’t think I want any more of those pills though,” I answer before taking another steadying breath. “Let’s go back to the living room,” I say as I open my eyes and sling my arm around Olivia. “Did you get your movies?” I ask as we slowly shuffle down the hallway.

  “Yeah. You were asleep when I got back. I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “I woke you up,” I manage to counter.

  “It’s a good thing you did,” she answers with a smile. “Think you can sit in the chair for a few minutes while I make the bed?” I gingerly nod my response and Olivia guides me to the chair not holding the linen.

  “Just push the coffee table over there,” I point to the other side of the room as Olivia works on pulling the cushions off of the sofa. I watch her while she works, unaware that she can see me in her peripheral view.

  “You okay?” she asks as she stops working on her task to face me. “You’re still pale,” she says as she extends a hand and presses it against my forehead. “Maybe you should try to eat a little Jell-O or something,” she says when she pulls her hand away.

  “I’m okay, but I’ll try to eat once we’re settled.” Olivia smiles in response and goes back to making the bed. “What movies did you get?” I inquire, nervous anticipation fueling my curiosity. I’m about to watch my first gay film with the girl I think I have a crush on. I wish I wasn’t so discombobulated from pain medication right now. Oh, and that I didn’t have oral surgery earlier today. I close my eyes and images from my dreams of the two of us kissing flash through my brain, especially the one where Olivia lays on top of me as we make out, her hand slowly drifting from my cheek down my neck, over my shoulder and—.

  “Wow, that pain medication must really be something,” I hear Olivia chuckle. I open my eyes and see her grinning at me and feel the dopey smile residing on my lips. “Anyway, we’re all set. Let’s get you settled then I’ll get you some Jell-O and start a movie.” She already has the blankets flipped back on the side of the bed closest to me, and pillows propped up against the back of the couch for us to relax against. I practically lean out of the armchair and flop onto the mattress, a poor decision given the small jolt my head makes, causing pain to radiate along my jaws. Olivia doesn’t catch my pain induced grimace, so I keep situating myself like nothing has happened, desperate for the spots to clear from my vision.

  “So I grabbed three movies, a funny one, a serious one and a cute one,” she says once I’m situated, handing me the three choices. “You pick which one to watch first, and I’ll be right back.” I look at the three films and find To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar, When Night is Falling and The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love. Unsure if my mouth can handle a comedy I quickly dismiss Wong Fu. Torn between serious or cute, I finally opt for cute, and Olivia reenters the living room with some apple juice and Jell-O for me. I hand her The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love and watch as she starts the show before settling in next to me on the sofa sleeper.

  I manage to drink my juice and eat a little bit of the Jell-O, but by the time the movie reaches the scene with Randy and Evie in the diner, my mind is trying to work through the lingering drug haze. Everything they are feeling about each other, the nervousness, the exploring a new feeling, I get it. Without thinking, I lean my head against the side of Olivia’s shoulder.

  “You okay?” she whispers as she turns her head toward me.

  “I like you,” I manage to admit as the movie continues.

  “I like you too,” she answers, “even if you’re still higher than a kite,” she finishes with a giggle. Ouch. Even my pain medicine can’t take the sting out of that one. Despite her words, she lifts her arm and wraps it around my shoulders. I slide a little closer to her and make myself comfortable in the warmth of her body, her scent filling my nostrils, causing a shiver of pleasure to vibrate my body.

  “You’re cold,” she whispers. “I’ll get you another blanket,” she says as she starts to get up.

  “I’m fine,” I protest, not wanting her to move. She ignores me though, and I’m forced to watch her head down the hallway to the linen closet. My gaze follows her as she brings the blanket to my side of the bed and spreads it out over me, pulling all the bedding up to my neck and tucking it in behind my shoulders. I feel like I’m encased in a blanket cocoon. My eyes track her as she moves back around the bed, but I feel a touch of disappointment that I won’t be snuggled up next to her anymore. She adjusts her pillows and slides back into the bed, reclining at a nearly 45-degree angle. I resume the movie, but the disappointment of not being as close to Olivia as I had been has me focusing more on her than the show.

  “Are you coming over here?” she asks in a quiet whisper. I silently close the distance between us as Olivia lifts her arm, allowing me to press my body ri
ght up against hers. I rest my head on her shoulder and my hand on her stomach as her arm wraps protectively around me. My body tingles and my heartbeat rages as I try to keep my hand steady, denying my desire to trace undefinable patterns along Olivia’s belly. I look over at Olivia’s neck and notice her pulse point hammering away. I wish I could sit up and kiss her right now, but my mouth is sore, and I can still taste the faint trace of blood, not factors I want involved if Olivia and I ever kiss. I hear Olivia’s breath hitch slightly and realize that my hand has started caressing her abdomen through her t-shirt, despite my determination moments ago to avoid such behavior.

  “Sorry,” I murmur as I relocate my hand to rest safely pinned between my stomach and her side.

  “Nothing to be sorry for,” she softly replies as she forces out her breath. I feel her reach over with her free hand and take my offending appendage, resting it on her stomach once again, with our fingers entwined. “We have to talk about this when you’re feeling better,” she informs me.