Separate Like Stars Read online

  “Not unless you want to. I wasn’t going to tell Martha that after she just handed me a get out of work early pass,” she adds with a devious laugh.

  “Hey, what was the other reason you didn’t want to go to the dance?” I ask as she starts the car. I look at her and see something flit across her features before she turns to face me.

  “I don’t remember,” she answers.

  “Oh, okay,” I quietly respond, not truly believing her. “Should we see if anyone else wants to join us?”

  “Nah, they’re all excited about the dance. It’s kinda weird how our little group is starting to become a bit incestuous.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask as she pulls out of the parking lot.

  “Just Mark and Erica started going out. David likes Jennifer, who isn’t interested in him. Danielle likes David, but he’s too focused on Jennifer to notice. Kristy likes Mike, but his parents are super strict and won’t let him date, even though I think he likes her in return. You didn’t notice any of that?” Olivia flew through all the interconnections so quickly that I feel like I need a chart to assist me.

  “No, but I don’t pay attention to any of it either. It didn’t really matter at Waterford. There were so many people, and the school was so big that you had to push to get from one class to another. One semester I had to grab my lunch and eat it on the walk to my next class to make sure I was there on time. I’m still getting used to things here. If we were at Waterford, we’d never have the same schedule. We would have been lucky to have one class together.”

  “Are you still comparing places? Cause Waterford is always going to have more.”

  “I know,” I reply with a sigh. “I’m not comparing them as much anymore. I’m getting used to being in this small town. Besides, more isn’t always better. It’s kinda nice being able to see some of the same people for more than a few minutes a day. I’m starting to feel like I’ve made a few real friends here.” Olivia quickly glances at me and smiles. “At least one,” I quietly add.

  “Definitely,” she agrees and flashes me another big smile. “So my parents are probably home, but we could still hang at my place. I don’t think they’ll care.”

  “My mom has to work tonight, so she’ll be leaving soon. We’d have the place to ourselves,” I inform her, not caring where we hang out.

  “Your place sounds better,” she replies. “We’ll have to stop and let my mom know though.”

  *****

  “I love this movie,” I share with Olivia as I place the bowl of popcorn between us on the couch. “I think they did a great job adapting it from the source material.”

  “Have you read the books?” she questions with her brow furrowed.

  “Of course I have,” I answer as Lestat turns Louis on the screen. “I know that Lestat and Louis are lovers in the books,” I say as I shovel more popcorn into my mouth. “Where are the M & M’s?”

  “Here,” she indicates as she places the bag next to the bowl of popcorn. “So you think it’s ok that they omitted that fairly important fact?” she inquires, with a hint of indignation in her tone.

  “No, not really. I feel like if a studio is going to adapt a novel, they should stay true to the source material. That said, it isn’t as if society is that accepting of gays overall. I highly doubt they would have landed Pitt or Cruise if they had included that part of the story.” I take a drink of soda and glance at Olivia, her brow still furrowed. “Look, I don’t have an issue with it. I knew a couple of people who identified as gay at Waterford. They kept it fairly quiet, but some people knew, and others suspected. Plus, my uncles are gay,” I add with a shrug.

  “I don’t think it’s ok. I get that money being the bottom line forced them to keep that aspect quiet, but increased visibility is the only way things are going to change.” I detect the frustration in Olivia’s tone, and immediately the pieces start to fall into place. She knows how to sneak into my house. She didn’t want to go to the dance. She never talks about boys.

  “Um, Olivia, are you gay?” I tentatively ask, unsure if she is, or if she has even accepted it if she is. “I’m ok with it if you are. It won’t affect our friendship,” I assure her.

  “Yeah, I’m a lesbian,” she quietly confesses, her soft blue eyes scanning me for any adverse reaction to her admission.

  “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share that with me,” I assure her with a smile as I reach over and squeeze her hand. “How many people know?”

  “My parents, my stepbrother, Katie, and you,” she shares. I nod and squeeze her hand again, wanting her to know that we’re still friends.

  “I won’t tell anyone,” I promise her as I pause the movie. “Do you want to talk about it?” I ask as I turn sideways on the couch to face her, giving her my full attention.

  “I’m not sure what there is to talk about,” she replies as she mimics my position. We both sit with our legs crossed under us, our hands resting in our laps.

  “When did you know?” I ask, truly curious.

  “I had my first crush in second grade, on the teacher’s assistant,” she says with a smile, her eyes giving away that she’s remembering the first object of her affection.

  “So you’re into older women then?” I jokingly ask, barely finishing the question before my laughter takes over. Olivia joins me and the moderate tension in the air quickly evaporates. “Were you and Katie a thing?” I inquire when I finally get my laughter under control.

  “Not really,” she answers with a sigh. “We spent a lot of time together. She kissed me one night while she was pretty tipsy. I rebuffed her because I knew I was into girls but no one else did. I was so confused about what was happening and scared that everyone would find out. Katie had always dated boys then suddenly she was kissing me. I needed to talk to her about what had happened, so I snuck into her room the next night. We made out for a few minutes, but it was clear she wasn’t really into it. She felt awful about it. She said that she thought she might have a crush on me, but it wasn’t working for her the same way it did with boys. So we went back to being friends,” Olivia finishes with a shrug.

  “Just like that?” I ask, wondering how they were able to sweep it under the rug so easily.

  “It was a bit awkward initially, but it got better.”

  “Well, now I know why you know how to sneak into my room at least,” I respond with a playful smile.

  “She was in the other bedroom, not the one you’re in,” Olivia quickly informs me, her voice carrying a slightly panicked tone.

  “It’s not a big deal,” I try to calm her. “So when did you tell your parents?”

  “Not long after the Katie thing. I didn’t feel like I could handle hiding it anymore and Katie assured me they would be ok with it. She was right, they were and said that they had suspected as much. Kurt, my stepbrother, found out when I went to visit him at college last summer. He took me to a party. I had a few drinks and somehow ended up making out with a woman there. He wasn’t pissed that I was making out with a woman, he was pissed because she was 21 and I was only 16. He sorta turned on the protective big brother thing for a few minutes,” she pauses to chuckle. “I was mad because he put an end to it. I didn’t care that she was older, I was enjoying myself. The next morning, not so much,” she finishes with a sour expression on her face.

  “Bit of a hangover?” I ask through my laughter.

  “Just a bit,” she answers and goes quiet.

  “Would you like a drink now? My mom always has something in the freezer,” I offer. She shakes her head no, but her mind stays elsewhere. “What about a hug?”

  “Sure,” she answers but remains still. I quickly move the popcorn and candy to the coffee table before leaning forward and wrapping my arms around her. She relaxes into it as her arms fall around me and a comfortable silence surrounds us.

  “I’m glad you felt safe enough to share that with me,” I whisper as we continue hugging. An odd warm sensation ripples through my body as we e
mbrace, my inhalations and heart rate slowly increasing. It must be because she just revealed a big secret to me. We’re closer now, I silently tell myself.

  “What about you?” she asks as she ends the hug and backs away from me.

  “What about me?”

  “I mean, I’ve never heard you talk about anyone. You haven’t said anything about anyone at school. Do you have a boyfriend at Waterford or something?”

  “Me? No,” I tell her as I shake my head for added emphasis. “I went on a date once, but it was pretty much awful. We went to a movie. He tried to hold my hand, but it was just…I don’t know how to describe it. Uncomfortable, I guess. So I made a show of needing to hold my popcorn with one hand while I ate it with the other. So he put his arm around my shoulders which was way worse. I kept squirming and wiggling trying to shake the damn thing off.” Olivia lets loose her contagious laugh causing me to join her. “Seriously, it was like trying to detach the tentacle of an octopus. Of course, he kissed me after, and that was just gross. I felt like he had washed my face with his tongue by the time I escaped.” Olivia responds with another gale of laughter at this, making me pause so she can compose herself.

  “I’m sorry, please continue,” she manages before laughing anew.

  “There really isn’t much more to tell,” I inform her once she quiets. “One other boy kissed me once, and while it wasn’t as bad as the first one, I still didn’t get what all the fuss was about,” I conclude with a shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I never bothered becoming interested in anyone because I somehow always knew my mom would end up relocating us again.”

  “Well, I heard a couple of the guys at school have asked about you,” she puts out there like a lure, waiting to see if I’ll bite. “Max Griffen and Henry Stanton,” she adds when I remain silent.

  “Ugh, aren’t they jocks?” I ask, barely able to put faces with their names.

  “They’re on the football team,” she answers. “Anyway, I heard a few of the cheerleaders near my locker talking about how they were hoping you’d be at the dance tonight.”

  “Another reason to be happy I’m not there,” I answer. “Maybe I’m just getting to the same place as everyone else. I mean, most girls would be ecstatic if either of those boys were interested, but I honestly couldn’t care less.”

  “Hey, if you aren’t into it, you aren’t into it,” she nonchalantly suggests. “It’s probably like you said, you haven’t bothered letting it happen because you’ve always been afraid that your mom would uproot you again.”

  “Maybe,” I answer, before grabbing the remote. “Wanna restart the movie?” I ask, hopeful she’ll agree because I’m trying to figure out why I feel like I just felt the things when I was hugging Olivia that I was supposed to feel when either of those boys kissed me.

  “Sure. Are you all right though? You sorta spaced out there,” she observes, concern painted on her features.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” I tell her as I pull myself off of the couch, wondering what it is I just felt.

  Chapter 5

  The third Thursday in October I find myself nervously pacing around the house as my mom sips a cup of coffee.

  “Thank god your appointment is first thing this morning. I’m not sure I could deal with you like this all day,” she teases me, trying to calm me down. On Monday afternoon I went to the dentist with a raging toothache. They took x-rays and quickly discovered that one of my wisdom teeth is pushing on the nerve of my molar. They referred me to an oral surgeon, and now I’m having my wisdom teeth surgically removed this morning, not next summer as I had anticipated.

  “Sorry, I’m just nervous,” I explain as I pull out one of the chairs at the table and sit. I know I won’t sit still for long, I can feel it already. “I can’t watch you eat your toast and drink your coffee,” I say when I stand up under a minute later. “I’ll be upstairs. Let me know when you’re ready to go.” I quickly head up to my room, close the door, and situate myself on my bed with my notebook, hoping I can focus on writing as a means of distracting myself. I’ve made little progress when a knock at my door 20 minutes later draws my attention. “Come in,” I call out figuring it’s my mother.

  “Are you decent?” I hear the familiar voice quietly inquire.

  “Yes, Olivia. Come in already,” I order her. I watch her enter and close the door before speaking again. “What’s with asking if I’m decent? We’ve changed in front of each other before.”

  “Yeah, but now,” she looks down at the carpet as she hesitates, “you know,” she finishes and looks at me again.

  “I keep telling you it isn’t a big deal,” I remind her. She looks at me and smiles before taking a seat next to me on my bed. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be on your way to school.”

  “I will be in a few. I just wanted to see how you’re doing. Your mom told me you’re nervous.”

  “I’m nervous all right. I know I shouldn’t be, it isn’t even major surgery, but still. I don’t even like having my teeth cleaned, now this.” Olivia takes my hand and squeezes it, much like I did for her when she came out to me. Those same warm sensations come back, along with a nervous feeling in my stomach, a different nervousness than I’ve felt since waking up this morning.

  “Everything is going to be fine. You won’t even remember it.” She smiles at me and squeezes my hand one more time before letting it go. Her eyes spark with curiosity when they fall to the notebook in my lap. “Do you ever let anyone other than my mom read your stuff?”

  “I haven’t,” I inform her, not missing the hint of disappointment in her eyes.

  “Bummer. I’d really like to read some of your work. Maybe one day after you’re published. I’ll have to pick up the hardcover edition at one of your book signings,” she says with a smile.

  “I doubt that will happen,” I retort, earning a look of disapproval from Olivia. “I’ll think about it, okay?” Olivia smiles and nods that it is. I know then that I’m going to let her read something. She shared the most secret part of herself with me; surely I should reciprocate.

  “I’ve gotta get going,” she says as she rises from my bed. I follow suit, and we exchange a brief glance. “I feel like I haven’t seen you all week,” she says as she takes a step towards the door.

  “I know. I’ve missed more school this week than I have in years. Can I get a hug for luck today?” I request before she can open the door.

  “Of course,” she says as she takes that step back in my direction and pulls me into her arms. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as those same sensations come back again, only stronger. I’m starting to suspect what they really are, but I don’t want to mention them to Olivia until I’m sure. Only I’m not certain how I’ll be sure without talking about it or acting on it. “Your mom asked if I wanted to stay with you tonight. She said they offered her overtime at the hospital, but she didn’t want to leave you alone. So I’ll see you shortly after school,” she whispers into my ear.

  “I’m going to be such a mess. I don’t know if I want you to see me like that,” I mutter, still drowning in the foreign sensations that she elicits within me.

  “Stop it,” she admonishes me. “Besides, I already know that you talk in your sleep and I’m still your friend. What could be worse than that?” she teases as she releases me. Her hands find my shoulders as she looks into my eyes. “Everything is going to be fine today. I’ll see you this afternoon,” she says before turning for the door.

  “Jordan are you ready? It’s time to go,” my mother calls as I watch Olivia make her descent. “Thanks again for staying with her tonight. I’ve been saving to surprise Jordan with a car,” I overhear my mom tell Olivia. Shit, I mentally scream as I step back into my room. I’m a terrible liar, especially when my mother is involved. If she asks, I’ll have to admit that I heard her. That is, if I don’t say something first because I suddenly feel an avalanche of guilt knowing that she is working a bunch of extra sh
ifts so she can surprise me with a car.

  “I don’t mind giving her a ride when she needs one,” Olivia tells my mom, being careful not to look back up the stairs or move away from them so my mom can see me.

  “I know, but I think moving here has been a difficult adjustment for her. I’m glad she became friends with you so quickly,” she adds. “Jordan, hurry up,” she impatiently calls out.

  “I’ve gotta go, Dana. I’m gonna be late for school if I don’t. I’ll see you this afternoon. Bye Jordan,” she calls up the stairs as she turns to look at me. I smile and wave before calling out that I’ll be right down.

  *****

  “Mom, do you think I could call Uncle Eddie sometime soon?” I ask as we make our way into the city to see the oral surgeon. Uncle Eddie isn’t truly my uncle. He’s my mom’s gay best friend that she’s known most of her life. He’s always been there for us, so he became Uncle Eddie by default.