Providence (The Velvet Series Book 2) Page 6

  “Thank you.” She takes the second blanket and curls up underneath it.

  “Of course. Can I get you anything else? More tea? Whiskey?”

  “No, but I have a weird favor to ask.” Thrown off a little, I wait for her request. “Do you think you could sit in the guest room with me until I fall asleep? I don’t think it will take long.” Her voice is meek; like a child’s after a nightmare. I shut off the TV and Katrina takes this as consent. She heads down the hall to the guest room and curls up in bed. I place the extra blankets on the foot of the bed, just in case, and seat myself on the floor where Katrina can see me. She watches me as I try to refocus on my book. My concern for her pulling my focus away time and again. I look up to find her watching me.

  “It’s ok, I’ll be here. I’m not going to leave you alone. If you need anything, my room is down the hall on the right.”

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For looking out for me. You barely know me and yet you’ve been a rock this week.”

  “It’s fine. Get some rest.” I refocus on my book and manage another chapter. When I look up Katrina is finally asleep. I tiptoe quietly out of the room and down the hall to my bedroom. I brush my teeth and change into a pair of shorts and a tank top. I fall into bed and continue reading, knowing that the emotional wear from the day won’t allow me to stay up too much longer.

  Chapter 5

  I wake up a little after 4 am, a product of going to bed extra early last night. I try to fall asleep again, but my effort is fruitless. Sticking to my routine, I get ready to work out. On my way down the hall, I stop and look in on Katrina to find her cocooned in the blankets, seemingly sound asleep. I fill up my water bottle and head downstairs for cardio, core and arms day. I start an episode of Penny Dreadful and get going on the rower. I follow that up by blowing through my run on the treadmill. Feeling like I have extra energy to burn, I decide to add some extra core and abdominal work. I quickly whip through 50 sit-ups and follow that up by planking for 3 minutes. I do another round of 50 sit ups and am in the middle of my second plank when I realize that I’m no longer alone. I still have a minute left on this plank that I’d like to finish, so without breaking my form, I address Katrina.

  “Sorry, did I wake you?”

  “No, I’ve been up for a few minutes now. You do know that it’s barely 5 am right?” 20 seconds to go, I’ll wait to answer her until I finish. When the timer goes off, I stand and grab my towel. I turn and catch Katrina staring at me, a shocked look on her face.

  “I know what time it is. I work out every morning.” Katrina is still staring.

  “Yeah, I can see that.” I realize then that I’m only wearing my sports bra and a pair of gym shorts.

  “You alright?” I towel off and pull my t-shirt on, hoping that I’ll still be able to get my extra arms routine in.

  “Yeah, I just…” Katrina trails off as she averts her gaze and looks around the basement. “What’s with the mats?”

  “Sparring practice. The trainer I work with does a lot of mixed martial arts training. I had a buddy in the class with me for a while. She’d come over and we’d practice, that is until she moved away.” I feel the slight smile on my face as I think about sparring with Mel, and how one evening sparring evolved into something else entirely. I miss my no strings attached sexy time with Mel. I miss sparring with her as well.

  “Something tells me she was more than just a sparring buddy,” Katrina emphasizes the last two words, making air quotes with her fingers. I’m busted. I feel my cheeks flush slightly and I find myself hoping that my face is still red from working out.

  “No, in the end, she wasn’t just a sparring partner. It wasn’t serious, just sex.”

  “How evolved of you.” I can’t tell if she is being sarcastic or serious.

  “Yeah, well I had just gone through a messy breakup, and we both knew she was leaving. It had an expiration date before it even began.”

  “Makes sense.” Without another word, Katrina turns and heads back toward the stairs.

  “Hey, did you need anything?”

  “Oh, no. I just woke up and you weren’t in your room, then I heard the TV so I followed the noise. I didn’t realize you were busy.”

  “It’s alright. You can join me if you’d like. I still have to work on arms, but feel free to use anything down here.” I already know she will refuse before I finish the offer.

  “That’s alright. I’m going to go back to bed.” She heads up the stairs before I can respond. I push through my arms routine, seeing Katrina’s sadness has sapped some of my energy away. Routine complete, I call it a day and head back upstairs for a quick shower. As I pass by the guest room I can hear Katrina’s sniffles. I’m torn between giving her privacy and checking on her. I decide to give her space, hoping that if she needs anything she will come to me.

  Showered and famished, I head to the kitchen. Hoping Katrina will eat if I prepare something for her, I fry up some turkey bacon, scramble some eggs and cut up some fresh fruit. I toss a few slices of toast in as I finish preparing the eggs. Breakfast ready, I head to the guest room where I am greeted by silence. I knock softly, hoping if Katrina is sleeping that it won’t wake her. She calls for me to come in and I enter the room to find her lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

  “I made breakfast, if you feel up to eating. There’s coffee as well. Or I can make you some tea.”

  “Yeah, ok.” I have no idea what she is agreeing to. She finally tears her gaze away from the unremarkable ceiling and looks at me. I arch an eyebrow at her, hoping she will elaborate. “I’ll try to eat.” She doesn’t move an inch. Instead, she reverts back to staring at the ceiling. I think back to when I lost my mother, how I wasn’t allowed to wallow. I have no idea if I should try to keep Katrina busy or if I should just let her lay in bed all day if she chooses to. Making my choice, I step further into the room and approach the bed.

  “Come on, breakfast is ready,” I inform her, extending my hand. She eyes it for a moment as I wait for her to tell me to get lost. Surprisingly she takes it, and I help pull her from the bed. She squeezes it once, a silent thanks, before releasing it.

  We eat breakfast in relative silence. Well, I eat my breakfast while Katrina pokes at hers absentmindedly, taking a small bite here and there. At least she is eating something. I gaze out the window, looking around my back yard for any traces of the deer that have been appearing on a fairly regular basis. I’m about to give up when I see a small movement at the edge of the woods. I keep my eyes glued to the spot and sure enough the huge 10 point buck makes his way into my backyard. Typically he’s followed closely by a doe. I search for her but see no other movement. About a minute later she breaks through the edge of the forest with a fawn in tow. I watch them for a second before tapping Katrina on the hand and pointing, as if using my voice would startle our guests. She watches the trio with me and manages a little more of her breakfast.

  “Do they always get this close?”

  “From what I’ve seen they’re fairly brave. They’re out there pretty much every morning.”

  “It’s nice. I love this view, it’s relaxing.”

  “Yeah, I like to gaze out the window while I’m eating breakfast. It always provides a nice relaxing start to the day, the calm before the storm.” The deer retreat back into the woods leaving the scene void of movement once they fade into the foliage. I look over at Katrina and find her slightly more animated, her once fixed eyes roam around the room taking it in.

  “Didn’t you say you gutted this place and remodeled it?”

  “I did. I liked the Victorian frame, but wanted it modernized. I had the kitchen opened up and larger windows installed. The basement wasn’t finished, so I had them take care of that as well. Aside from having the wall separating the kitchen and dining rooms removed, I really didn’t alter much structurally. I did have everything converted to be as green as possible though. It took quite a while, but I feel like it was wort
h it.”

  “I think it looks wonderful. I love the darker and neutral hues and how you’ve decorated it enough for it to be interesting but not overwhelming.”

  “Thanks, but truthfully I let an interior decorator do a lot of it. I told her what I wanted and what I absolutely didn’t want, and she came back with her ideas. I’m absolute rubbish when it comes to that sort of thing, hell I can barely dress myself, if I’m being honest.”

  “She did well. To me it’s what a home is supposed to be, warm, inviting and relaxing. None of the bright colors and extreme amounts of art that—,” Katrina cuts herself off as she thinks about Jill. Her eyes and shoulders drop, fresh tears roll down her cheeks, but somehow she manages not to break down completely. She swipes at the tears with her hands and takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, this is ridiculous, I can’t even say her name without falling apart.”

  “You have nothing to apologize for. I think what your feeling is most likely perfectly normal. No need to worry about how I will react, just do what you need to do. Ok?” Katrina nods that it is. “So it’s supposed to be a little warmer today. I was thinking of going for a walk later. Would you like to join me?” I’m hoping she will at least think about it, getting some fresh air and moving around might help in some small way.

  “That might be ok. I think I’m going to go back to bed for a while though.” I have a suspicion that Katrina is really going to cry in private, but I say nothing, opting to just nod my acceptance.

  “I’ll check in with you before I decide to head out, but if you need anything before then, please don’t hesitate to find me.” Katrina nods and puts a hand on my shoulder. I accept this as a silent thank you and watch as she leaves the dining room and heads back down the hall to the guest room. I clean up the mess in the kitchen, and as I’m putting the leftover fruit away, I realize that I need to go grocery shopping soon, like before lunch soon if we’re going to eat. Mind racing, I throw together a quick grocery list. I head down the hallway and pull a set of bath towels for Katrina to use. I knock at her door, somehow knowing that I won’t wake her. In the moments before she calls for me to come in I can hear her blowing her nose. My earlier suspicion was correct, and now I feel guilty for disturbing her. I slowly open the door and enter. “I just wanted to bring you these and see if you want or need anything from the store. If I don’t get some groceries, we won’t be having anything for lunch.” Katrina is sitting up, her back against the headboard, her arms holding her knees to her chest. She doesn’t look at me or respond, the expression on her face distant. I set the towels on top of the dresser and move to the foot of the bed and sit down. She still doesn’t move, not even her eyes. I gently place my hand on her forearm and she jumps, startled by the touch even though I’m sitting two feet in front of her. “Hey, what is it?”

  “She’s gone. I killed her. I gave up and I killed her and nothing I do can ever change that.” She still stares ahead, looking at, but not seeing a thing.

  “You did not kill her.” I have no idea if my words register with her. Her unblinking gaze is still directed elsewhere, despite the fact that I just spoke to her. “Hey.” She still doesn’t look at me. Becoming a tad irritated, I move my fingers from her forearm to her chin. Using my thumb and my first two fingers I force her to turn her head and look at me. “You did not kill her. The vent was breathing for her. You didn’t do this, you’re not responsible for this. The driver of the car is the guilty party, not you. Do you hear me?” She nods that she does and I let go of her chin.

  “You’re right, I know you’re right. I just feel so…”

  “That’s grief, your mind processing, trying to make sense of it. You’ve just gotta give it time and remember that you did nothing wrong. Talk to people if you need to, don’t shut everyone out. I imagine you have a lot of friends that are pretty worried about you right now.”

  “I know.” Katrina looks down, a mask of shame takes over her face.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to lecture you. What can I do?”

  “Nothing, you’ve been great. I feel bad being in your space and begin such a mess,” she motions her hand up and down her body.

  “No need to worry about any of that. You haven’t kept me from doing anything I would’ve been doing. You have a right to feel however you’re feeling at any particular moment. Don’t forget that.” She nods her head in agreement but says nothing. “Now, I do need to go to the store. Can I get you anything? Favorite comfort food?”

  “Ice cream.”

  “Flavor?” At this point, I’ll buy her anything so long as she’ll eat it.

  “Tin roof.”

  “Alright, done. I’ll probably take that walk when I get back; if you think you want to join me.”

  *****

  Later that evening I sink into my couch feeling exhausted. Between waking up extra early, the added sets during my morning work out, the two-hour walk we took through the woods and trying to help Katrina get through this, I feel justified in having a mindless movie night. I’m perusing the selection via on demand and nearly leap off the couch when Katrina speaks.

  “Mind if I join you?” I thought she was asleep. She retreated to the guest room a short while ago and hadn’t made an appearance or a sound since.

  “Sure,” I say as I flip the trailing end of my blanket off the other two-thirds of the couch. Katrina sits down, wrapping one of the spare blankets from the guest room around herself.

  “What are you planning to watch?”

  “No plan, just seeing what’s available. Can I get you anything? Want some of that ice cream?”

  “That sounds great actually, I can get it though.”

  “No, you pick the movie, I’ll get the ice cream.” I return from the kitchen a few minutes later, two bowls in hand. “Did you find something,” I ask as I hand one of the bowls over.

  “Yes, you’re going to love it.” She doesn’t tell me what it is, so I settle in for whatever surprise she has in store. I know what it is before the Paramount logo is off of the screen, The Godfather.

  “Good pick.”

  “I hope so.” Katrina raises a spoonful of ice cream to her mouth. My own spoon sits frozen midway between my bowl and my own mouth.

  “You’ve never seen it?” I ask in disbelief.

  “Nope, never.” I don’t answer as the movie gets underway. About an hour into the movie I can feel eyes on me, that Katrina is staring at me.

  “Not getting into it?”

  “No it’s good, it’s just…” I give her time to formulate her thoughts, put them into words. “Never mind, it’s weird.” I grab the remote and pause the movie, wanting to know what’s going on. I look at Katrina expectantly, and she finally relents. “I just…” her look turns sheepish as she continues, “was wondering if we could cuddle.” She was right, it sounds like a beyond weird request. I try to keep this judgment off of my face, but I feel it contort and know I’ve failed. “Not in a sexual way…I just feel like, I don’t know…there is this void, like I’m empty, and I just need some human contact, some kind of tether. I’m sorry, forget that I asked, it’s weird.” I think about it for a minute, in a way it makes sense, I know I’ve felt similarly after a bad breakup, I can’t imagine how it feels for her. Without a word, I lift the edge of my blanket and wait for her to slide across the couch. She hesitates for a moment, but accepts the invitation. She presses herself against my side and relaxes against me. I pull the blanket up over both of us and resume the movie before wrapping my arm around her shoulder. As the tension slowly eases out of her body I realize that she’s right, human contact is nice. How could I have possibly forgotten?

  Chapter 6

  Katrina informs me over breakfast that it’s time for her to go home. A mixture of sadness and resolve radiate from her, so I don’t question her decision. I drive her back to the hospital to pick up her car. She insists that she will be ok. I tell her I’m only a phone call away if she needs anything, and head home to get my to do list done. I catch up on my
charting, do some meal preparation for the week, get the laundry done, have brunch with a group of friends, and take a look at my cases for tomorrow. I’m just settling in on the couch, waiting for my gaming system to boot up when my text alert goes off. I hit the home screen button to see if it can wait, but the preview shows the message is from Katrina. It’s just after 7 pm. My PlayStation waits for me to pick an activity as I type in my security code to check the message. Katrina’s message asks if I can come over. I look at the time again, knowing that the day is winding down, wondering what her message doesn’t say. Would this be a quick visit or does she need someone to spend the night in the house with her? I power down the PlayStation and send a quick reply letting her know that I’ll be there soon. I pack a small over night bag just in case, grateful that tomorrow is an OR day and I won’t have to make myself fully presentable like I would if I were in clinic.